Tuesday, August 17, 2010

World Reaction

The breaking news yesterday of North Korea's efforts to build their own super secret greenhouse did not go unnoticed by world leaders as the U.N. hastily convened an emergency session of the Security Council to decide the precise wording of a stern resolution that can then be vetoed by China and Russia.  The unexpected news also set off a chain of supportive rallies in the Gaza Strip, Pakistan, Syria, and Berkeley, California.

(a demonstration of support for North Korea in Quetta, Pakistan)

For his part, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran has sent a diplomatic communique to Kim Jong Il asking how he might acquire his own PJM for "peaceful purposes."  Western analysts have long worried that if the latest reports of North Korea's supposed acquisition of greenhouse technology is true, it may become impossible to contain such technology to the Korean Peninsula.

In related news, an unsubstantiated Internet report cites the existence of an identical greenhouse spotted on Google Maps in Tom Green County, Texas.  Texas officials attempted to downplay the concerns that a new polygamist cult had taken root, stating that they had sent State Rangers to investigate the compound.  According to one Trooper on the scene, "When I arrived, neighbors outside the fence were pointing to an individual on his roof who was screaming at onlookers to join him on a polar expedition.  Frankly, I don't know what he expected to accomplish, after listening for a few minutes, only an idiot would journey to the pole with with wind turbine powered sledges, untrained crew members, and lead-lined food tins.  In my professional opinion, I believe he's a deluded Super Villain.  It's unfortunate, but this kind of thing happens from time-to-time out here."  Moments later, the Super Villain's daughter came out and spoke to reporters from inside the security fence: "I just want him better, but I'm scared ...that it may be something genetic!"  Personnel with the Texas Department of State Health Services were also present on scene.

As public pressure was mounting for Federal intervention, President Obama released the following statement, "Let me be clear, as a citizen and as President, I believe that Super Villains have every right to build lairs and compounds even in West Texas!"  Later in the same speech, the president suggested that if it was confirmed that a new Super Villain had arisen in Texas, he would plan on arranging a state visit for the purpose of bowing before the emergent leader.


Anonymous said...

Wikileaks has provided reports revealing the raising of genetically enhanced killer peacocks somewhere near the Mexican border. The Pentagon strenuously denies rumors that, in exchange of a large sum of bankruptcy preventing money, governor Swarzenegger has agreed to a secret test of these WMD in a yet undisclosed town in central California.

martha said...

Nate have you thought about writing for The Onion?

Thanks for the laugh!!

Nate Maas said...

Martha, I had not considered it. I have tried to remain an objective journalist by only publishing the most trustworthy and reliable reports.

Unfortunately, if I started writing satire, I'm afraid my readers wouldn't be able to maintain the high level of trust they currently hold in this publication.

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