Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Cuban Idol

This morning, Cuban state television aired a revealing glimpse into the mind of Fidel Castro.  In an intimate interview with a Cuban reporter, he spoke uninterrupted for about seven hours on topics ranging from the country's plans for peafowl weaponization to his relationship with Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez.  Excerpts from the interview follow:

Fidel educating Hugo on his personal hero

"A lot of people think that Hugo and I get along so well because we're both communist dictators.  Yeah, okay, so we're both villains and we both speak Spanish, but I think most people don't realize that our bromance really centers on a shared admiration for PJM of West Texas.  I guess at first I was just curious why some guy in the US was buying so many of our cigars.  And don't get me wrong, without the steady influx of cash from West Texas, we would have had to go democratic years ago, but as I looked into him, man, he's a genius!"

Looking at the results of Mystery Person and hoping for a "Victory Breakfast" day

"I used to like to think of myself as one bad hombre!  You know, I am like, 'My people shall drive nothing newer than a 1960 Impala,' but then I read that PJM doesn't allow his people to drive anything newer than a brake-less 1926 Model T!  I may be genius, but he's super genius.  I may be villainous, but he's super villainous!"

Hey guys, where do you rank on the Super Villain scale?

"So a few years ago, I call Hugo and I'm like, 'Hey buddy, you know how we think we're pretty bad fellows with nifty hats and hip threads?  Well wait until you hear about this guy I just read about.' I mean, it's one thing to thumb your nose at the world when you're an island or on another continent, but this PJM, he's done it from inside the United States itself.  So I tell Hugo, 'Dude, we are clearly bush league.'"

Castro lost in thought in his office

"So I guess you all read about Hugo going public with his man-crush song.  I have to say it disappointed me a little, Hugo going public and all.  You know, I guess I just had this fantasy where I would meet PJM first and be able to tell him all he means to me.  Maybe we'd be at a League of Villainy Convention and I'd hear his maniacal laugh from across the conference room and I'd get the courage to go over and say hi and he might even be like, 'You're the guy that rules Cuba, right?' And I'd say something like, 'Why yes, how did you know?' And then that conversation would lead to him coming to Cuba and we'd go take a walk on the Bay of Pigs Beach.  I don't know, I've replayed the scenario in my head so many times. Maybe I just wanted him to notice me first and now Hugo's probably got his attention."

"And it's not just his villainous schemes either.  Hugo's right, he's a fashion cat.  I stopped wearing my fatigues after I came across a photo of "PJM the Revolutionary" in a sporty tracksuit and blue earmuffs.  Now it's mostly tracksuits for us in public now.  I can just imagine him wearing those earmuffs in the compound, 'What? What? I can't hear your screams with my sporty earmuffs!' The guy really is my hero!"


Judi said...

You are so funny, Nate. This is a great week!
Thanks. How late do you stay up to create all this dialog & photo crop?

Chuck Kelly said...

I've just read today's entry on the OPOTD blog. Did anyone else notice that Christoval has an airport with a car rental counter? Could that be something instigated for stealth visits by los maximos leaders?

Anonymous said...

LOL! I didn't even see the photo of PJM in the frame until I looked a second time. way too funny.

Anonymous said...

LOL LOL! is that him on the book too?

Anonymous said...

Nate, you have jumped the shark with this latest bit on PJM. You are above this.

Dag said...

I knew you would get to the truth about PJM. Good job Nate

Jules said...


Unknown said...

Where can we order this book 'My Life As A Supervillain'? Maybe it can be turned into a movie, but who should play the lead? (Berlusconi will be available soon).